


December, After the Rain

by TomorrowTakesForever



Category: NU'EST
Genre: Alternate Universe - Idols, Angst, Aron needs a hug, Comfort/Angst, Flashbacks, Inner Dialogue, Inner Struggles, M/M, Nostalgia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-05 21:58:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17333105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TomorrowTakesForever/pseuds/TomorrowTakesForever
Summary: The stage was thundering under his feet, and he knew that he wasn't dreaming anymore. They'd made it. And even though his heart still missed a puzzle piece when the four of them bowed together (feeling incredibly incomplete), Aron knew that he could endure it a little bit longer.





	December, After the Rain

**Author's Note:**

> I don't tend to write stories in which the members are active in their group/are idols, but I just had to with this one.  
> I missed Hwang Minhyun so much. 
> 
> Actually, I started writing this in July 2018 and meant to post before the end of the year but look at me failing. It took me way too long and I'm sorry for that. MinRon will rise once Minhyun is back though, I can already feel it. 
> 
> My twitter is @dabbingseokjin if anyone is up to talk about NU’EST. MinRon makes my heart the weakest, and we've waited enough for Minhyun. Cheer up, LOVEs! We deserve a break!
> 
> This is obviously fiction, but some events in the story are roughly based on real life. Hope I made justice to the angst and MinRon tag. That's all for now.

_ "Someday this pain will have been useful to you." _

 

_—_

 

Initially, Aron doesn't know what time it is when he awakes from his sleep. Blurry eyesight, but not enough to stop him from answering the insistent call he gets very late that night.

And it's actually three in the morning, he learns, once he stares at the digital clock on the bedside table. His eyebrows are permanently knitted on the center of his face, confused and half-asleep when he clears his throat. It's not out of habit this time; more so because he can't find his voice at all.

“Minhyun...” It feels like a question when it leaves his lips. In reality he just says the name out loud because he doesn't know whether this is real or a dream. Last time Minhyun called, Aron had to check multiple times if the name on the screen was real.

_“Hyung....”_

“What's—? What time is it?” He looks at the clock again, dumbfounded. He already knows the time, knows it's late, but he doesn't know what to say to him. He lost his words ever since Minhyun left.

Not a single how are you? “It's late, Minhyun. What… Why are you calling? Is everything okay?” It's in his nature to be worried, after all.

_“Just missed you, that's all.”_

Aron knows that tone; he knows the voice Minhyun has when he's had a few drinks. He almost dares to be disappointed, but he's already used to it by now. He should've been able to figure it out by now.

“You drank.” Aron's voice is steady when he speaks. But the way his voice echoes inside his head right after makes him regret the words a little. “That's why you called.”

_“We had a few drinks, yeah.”_ Minhyun becomes quiet. Aron finally notices the raindrops hitting the window right next to his bed. He's been too distracted to realize. He can't blame himself, though.

The call muffles a little. Aron can nearly visualize Minhyun turning and shifting on his bed. Probably hiding his scarlett cheeks under the blankets and trying not to have his accent too noticeable. It became pretty dominant when he was drunk.

“Why did you call?” Aron doesn't find the nerve to be subtle or gentle about it.

_“Wanted to… your voice, y’know? Pretty like that.”_

“Call me when you're not shitfaced, Minhyun.”

_“‘M not! Promise I'm not,”_ Minhyun sounds a little hurt, _“Hyung, don't you miss me?”_

“Of course I do.” It’s Aron’s turn to feel hurt. “What a stupid question.”

Aron hates how much he's starting to fill with guilt. It's not like Minhyun distanced himself because he wanted to. As much as Aron tried to get that past his head, the hesitation always came off strong. The voice inside his head made sure to repeat vicious, hateful words.

_“That's nice to know.”_

Aron takes a deep breath silently. “Did you want to say anything to me?”

_“Maybe.”_ Minhyun sighs softly. _“I can't remember.”_

“That's fine.” Aron blinks heavily, aware of the way his voice seems to quiver when he opens his mouth again. “Tell me what you did today.”

Minhyun whines. _“Went out with the boys.”_ His voice becomes distant for a second. “We had a few drinks.”

“I can see that.”

Minhyun is silent for a second. It's until he speaks again that Aron can't help but laugh softly. _“You can't see me, though.”_

Aron rolls his eyes. “Shut up. You know what I mean.”

Minhyun laughs sincerely; the one where he's not even trying. It's so pretty, even with the awful connection, and even when Minhyun has to be extra quiet.

_“I didn't wanna be sober.”_ Minhyun sounds choked up. _“That's the only way I can call you, right? Without being a coward.”_

“You don't have to be drunk.” Aron wants to yell. “You don't have to be drunk to talk to me.” He's lying when he pretends to be unfazed. Aron's hurt. Very hurt.

_“Aron, I love you.”_ Minhyun's voice shakes with uncertainty. _“God, I love you so much.”_

Aron holds his breath, like he's not allowed to say it back during times like these. “I love you too, Min.”

_“Just one more month.”_ Minhyun softly murmurs; it sounds like a gentle whirl of wind. _“Can you wait for me? Just one more month.”_

“We've been waiting for much more than that. I'm sure a month is fine.”

_“Promise?”_

“Promise, Min.”

—

 

The night Minhyun packed his bags to leave the dorm, Aron had been sitting on the floor with a busy and conflicted mind next to him. His legs were moving up and down from the habit he'd picked up over the years and he couldn't seem to focus on the words Minhyun had been saying to him for the last five minutes.

“Aron,” Minhyun repeated, unreadable gaze and lips sealed for a wordless minute. “Are you sure you don't want to say something to me?”

He looked confused and blinked in quiet response. “No? Not really.”

“There's something bothering you.” Minhyun insisted, putting a grey shirt inside his open luggage. He stopped packing to look at him in the eyes. “Tell me what's in your mind.”

He hesitated, but nevertheless decided to be honest for once. “Well, you're moving out, first of all.” Aron said, frowning and looking impossibly hurt. “And it's going to be… weird not having you around.”

Minhyun smiled, but it wasn't a happy one. “You're just gonna miss the fact that I won't be around to clean the mess in the dorm.”

Aron didn't laugh at the joke, surprisingly, feeling even more upset than before. “I hope you know that that thought hadn't even _crossed_ my mind.”

The other sighed, forbidden and well-hidden touch on Aron's hand as soon as the words left his mouth.

“It's not like we're going to stop seeing each other forever. We'll probably meet every week.” Minhyun sighed, but neither of them believed those words anyways. He'd be busy. Hellishly busy. “Don't make this harder. You know how hard it is already.”

He had mixed feelings anyways. Despite being heavy hearted over Minhyun's temporary departure, he almost felt like he could touch the sky after becoming such a hot topic and their old music coming up in the charts insanely out of nowhere.

It had been truly unexpected. And they had cried together, feeling invincible and important after a really long time.

“I'll miss you, that's all.”

Minhyun looked at Aron and sighed softly. His eyes hinted at mischief when he saw a small grin growing on his face. “I already miss you and you're sitting next to me.”

Aron snorted and rolled his eyes, “I hate being sappy with you. You always make me want to smash my face on the wall.”

“I love you.” Minhyun said, as if he was reminding him for the fifth time that day. But Aron loved hearing that anyways. “A lot lot lot.”

“I'll go bother Jonghyun instead.” Aron said and Minhyun feigned offense.

“Selfish ass.”

Aron smiled, dragging himself closer to Minhyun and hugging his figure from behind. He breathed in and smiled to himself. “I love you more. Much more than a _lot lot lot_.”

“I'm glad.” Minhyun chastised lightly. “Because I love you more than a lot lot lot, too.”

 

—

 

When Minhyun walked out of the car, Aron had hugged him tightly. Almost wantonly, because he somehow knew that once he stepped out of the van, it'd be the hardest and longest year and a half of his life.

(He had been right.)

But as soon as the other turned to leave, the tears that he thought had been all shed, returned only to make him feel like an idiot.

An idiot in love. Was it possible not to fall in love with Hwang Minhyun? Aron didn't think it was possible. Everyone fell in love with him at least once in this lifetime; and even though he felt a tinge of possessiveness at the thought, Aron figured he had no right to object.

Minhyun and Aron had something going on. It wasn't established and had never been discussed because they were both cowards— but they'd been something for a long time now. Ever since their trip to Minhyun's hometown. Their trip to Busan had exposed them to each other in a whole different way, yet they had never put an official label or name to it.

“You're so dumb, aren't you, Aron?” He whispered to himself in despair.

“What?”

He stared at Dongho, having forgotten that the rest of the members were there with him as well.

He shrugged it off carelessly. “Oh no, nothing.”

_You should've kissed him, you idiot._

Should've he? Aron couldn't take the sight of Minhyun away from his thoughts. The way he looked at him but lowered his gaze as soon as their eyes met. Minhyun was a puzzle; a very hard one to place together, at that.

The way back home was very off. They knew that Minhyun's absence was very nerve-wracking already because of the silence in the car, but none of them dared to comment on it. Instead, they tried to flood the silence with the music playing in the background, but even like that it felt hopeless.

Aron chose to stay quiet and stare at the window until they got back to their dorm. It was the first day (hell, first hour even), and Aron could already sense the difficulties coming along. But he chose to ignore his bleeding heart and put on the best smile he could muster when he called for Minhyun and realized he wasn't there anymore.

“That was silly.” Aron muttered in self-embarrassment to himself and took a deep breath. “He's not here anymore.”

 

—

 

A couple weeks had gone through like a tornado and Minhyun hadn't called Aron ever since they dropped him off at his new dorm. They'd exchanged a few texts and Minhyun mentioned how tough they were being about texting and social media, so Aron couldn't help and have negative thoughts in his mind.

At least they had been busy themselves. The overwhelming support that came after Jonghyun didn't make it to the new group was somehow good news for them. Aron couldn't think about what would've happened if both Jonghyun and Minhyun had made it. They probably wouldn't have ever thought of coming back as three, that was for sure.

“What’re you thinking about?” Dongho suddenly asked, sitting on the couch next to him.

He shifted his attention from his hands to look at him properly. “You really wanna know?” Aron raised an eyebrow, feeling heavy in the chest. “I'm thinking about Minhyun.”

Dongho looked at him and he seemed to stop himself from saying he was doing the same. “Don't overthink too much. He's probably just busy.”

“I know.”

Dongho seemed to hesitate for a longer second but Aron knew he wanted to say something to him. They'd know each other all too well after years of living with each other, and the look in Dongho’s face gave it away quickly.

“You know, we all miss him.” He seemed to be thoughtful. “I know I can't compare how we're all feeling to how you're feeling, but if you ever need to talk to someone, you can let us know.”

“Wait, what?” Aron completely filtered the rest of Dongho’s sentence because he felt totally exposed. “Why do you think I feel any different from you guys?”

Dongho raised an inquiring eyebrow. “I thought we were done pretending that you and Minhyun didn't have a thing.”

“We didn't.” And he pushed the thoughts of how much it was killing him to say that. “We're not anything.”

“Don't be selfish, hyung.” Dongho said with an adamant tone he only got to hear when they were at the studio or practice room. “Don't be selfish and try to open your heart a little.”

Before he left the room with an unusual extra bitterness surrounding him, Dongho looked at him through his eyelashes and said, “We're not going to judge you, you know? You guys are our family.”

 

—

 

_“Wait, the connection is really bad.”_ Minhyun's voice was coming a little later than the video, and the audio and video quality was awful, but Aron's heart had rushed when he saw that Minhyun was calling the following weekend. _“Everyone's using the wi-fi, so I hope you can see me at least a little.”_

“I can see you.” Came Aron's response. He was smiling a little too brightly and he felt like the world wasn't against him today.

_“Are you guys working hard?_ ” Minhyun's voice was teasing. He looked up and it seemed like someone else was in the room with him.

“Yeah. You're going to love the song.” Aron said and the sad smile Minhyun gave him didn't make him feel so good.

Minhyun grinned at him anyways, a few seconds later. _“I bet I will. Our fans are also looking forward to it.”_

Aron didn't mention that the song was written for him at all. He didn't mention that the recordings had been emotional and depressing because they kept thinking about him every time they sang a syllable into the recording microphone.

“How are you, though? I– We missed you a lot.”

_“We've been getting ready for the debut showcase. Sorry I couldn't call. I get to the dorms and sleep. After showering of course,”_ As an afterthought, he added, _“and cleaning a little.”_

“Of course you do.” Aron whispered, not intending for the other to hear. “Don't overwork yourself.”

_“Impossible not to.”_ Minhyun said, a little troubled perhaps. “ _I just want to show everyone a good side of me._ ”

“Please,” Aron rolled his eyes. “Everyone loves you already, Minhyun.”

_“Maybe it's not enough.”_ That's when Aron noticed how exhausted he sounded and looked. And they hadn't even debuted yet, which hurt Aron deeply. _“I have to show them how grateful I am.”_

“You're amazing.” Aron said with all the honesty he could muster. “I'm sure you'll do great.”

_“Thank you.”_ Minhyun sighed softly. _“You'll do great, too.”_

Aron felt the statement to be a little dismissive. He looked away and asked. “Do you have to go?”

_“I have practice later. Maybe I should sleep a little.”_

Aron nodded, concealing his disappointment. “Alright. Don't forget to eat. And call me when you have time.”

_“I will. Promise.”_ Minhyun looked at him through the camera and Aron felt his heart break and heal a little at the same time. _“I missed you like crazy.”_

He swallowed the lump in his throat. “I missed you, too.”

_“I'll try to see you guys soon. That's not a promise, though. I can't promise you that.”_ Minhyun looked apologetically at him. _“I love you.”_

Minhyun didn't give him a chance to answer, because before he could even open his mouth to reply, he'd finished the call.

Aron stared at the window with doubts filling his head like smoke during a fire. There was no way of stopping or handling them enough to limit the flames, so he hid his face in between his palms. He felt sick and lonely, hating that Minhyun was away.

The only person he'd ever trusted enough with his deepest worries and problems was gone now.

 

—

 

Aron was pacing around the dorm helplessly when he finally snapped. His mind was going to drive him crazy one of these days and he already knew it. The coffee he had downed earlier this morning only gave him a headache despite wanting to feel alive; at least pain meant life.

But honestly, hadn’t he gone through enough pain by now?

His neck hurt from sleeping so carelessly on the couch last night. All of his muscles were sore enough to remind him of how rough he had spent it hours ago. He was taunted with nightmares, repeating themselves every time he closed his eyes. Aron groaned, looking at the time on the kitchenette’s microwave. It was still relatively early. None of the boys were awake yet, and they wouldn't be for at least a few more hours.

Deciding to do something about his unbearable insomnia, Aron shrugged a jacket on his bony shoulders, taking his keys with him and walking out of the dorm as quietly as he could.

He walked to the convenience store nearby, burying the black cap further into his head. The man on the counter eyed him and waved, to which Aron returned the gesture with a decent bow. “Mornin’.” He mumbled, even though it was still considerably dark outside.

The sitting booths where he usually sat on were completely empty. Even more empty now that he was alone and not with Minhyun sitting beside him to keep him company. His knuckles turned white from the pressure of his fists; he could allow himself not to think about Minhyun for once. Just today, Aron. Please...

He looked out of the window for a whole minute. Maybe it wasn’t the smartest choice to come here all alone; it was cold and his excuse of a jacket was not helping at all. He shivered, but something told him that the weather wasn't responsible for his trembliness.

The weight inside his chest felt like torture. He refused to tell the other members about it, and so he suffered in agonizing and deafening silence all by himself. (Himself and the convenience store owner who briefly looked at him and sighed, letting him be.)

Deep inside, he felt shameful when he returned home. It was like The Walk of Shame, tail in between his legs. As if he’d done something wrong by sneaking out and lying to his friends all this time.

Minki was already awake when he opened the door. Aron stared at his figure in confusion, wondering how come the younger wasn’t asleep; He blinked and Minki mirrored him.

“Minki? What—”

“Where _were_ you?”

Aron tilted his head to the side. “I went out for a bit.”

The younger looked taken aback; scandalized even. “At four thirty in the _morning_?” Minki was surprisingly serious. He didn't brush it off like Aron had expected him to.

He shrugged, even when the action weighed him down in the chest. “I couldn't sleep. But why are you awake?”

“You know you can talk to me when you can't sleep.” He offhandedly ignored Aron’s question. At that moment he had tried hard not to sigh.

“Yeah, but I didn't want to wake you up.”

Minki scoffed softly. “I’m awake now, aren't I?”

When no response came, Minki closed his eyes. “What's wrong? You know you can trust us.” He looked sensitive; Aron hated to see him this broken. “You trust me, right? What's wrong, hyung? Tell me.”

“Not now, Minki.” His sigh sounded heartless. “But I’ll let you know next time I can't sleep. Promise.”

The last word seemed to have rubbed Minki wrong in a very bad way. His expression fell and Aron swore Minki had wanted to scream at him in a tantalizing way. “Promise?” Minki laughed, bitterly. “I’m not Minhyun.”

The name itself made his heart jump in his chest. Aron frowned, anger starting to boil in his blood like all the bile rising up in his throat because he already imagined where this conversation was headed. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“When you promise things to me, I expect you to be honest about them.” Minki got up from the couch, shaky limbs. “I’m definitely not Minhyun for you to be breaking them.”

“What?” Aron frowned, upset and angry. “What promise did I break?”

“Ask Minhyun.” Minki blinked, pretending to be unbothered. “Or try asking yourself.”

The silence that followed felt eternal. Aron stared at the empty spot where Minki had been sitting on helplessly. There was a slight dent on the cushions, showing off there was weight over it. But he'd wanted to cry right then and there. He wanted to wail and punch the wall where a picture of the five of them hung like a reminder of what they used to be.

Aron looked at the picture with shadows in between his eyes; he couldn't quite recall the last time he'd smiled as sincerely as he did in the photograph. The thought bothered him, but at the same time, Aron didn't think he'd be able to smile so fondly ever again.

 

—

 

“So, have you thought about it yet?”

Aron turned to look at Jonghyun; he felt so disconnected from reality lately. His thoughts were more reliable than the present most of the times, but the rest of the boys started to notice the shift in his behavior— which wasn't good at all.

“Sorry.” Aron blurted out, voice worn out. “Thought about what?”

“About today.” Jonghyun didn't look pleased at all. God, Aron felt so guilty. Jonghyun looked tired; exhausted even. They'd been through so much yet Aron couldn't even pay a second of attention to him, apparently. “Are you ready?”

They were at a music event today. The song had been released a couple weeks ago and everyone had loved it. Minhyun hadn't called Aron ever since their video call, but he'd sent a few messages on their groupchat when he heard it. Mainly encouraging words and happy emoticons. Yet something told Aron that the reason he hadn't called was because he would've started to cry. Their song was about him; Minki had even exposed it through an interview, and everyone loved the song even more at the revelation.

“Oh, yeah.” He chose to show off his well-mannered artificial smile. Jonghyun wasn't one to be fooled easily, but for once he didn't comment on Aron's behavior. The other simply nodded, curtly.

Before Jonghyun left the waiting room completely, he leaned on the doorway. His gaze shifted from the worn out carpet to the water bottle on Aron’s right hand. “Hey,” Aron raised his eyebrows in question. “We'll… We're gonna be fine.”

“Of course.” I know, he wants to say. “Of course we're gonna be fine.”

“Good.”Jonghyun stuttered in place, a little breathless. “We're gonna prove ourselves tonight.”

This time Aron smiled sincerely at him. A little crooked but that was okay. He wished Minhyun was there with them, after all. But even if he wasn't, they were going to show the crowd that they could be the brightest without him, too.

Even if he felt like a complete liar, he repeated the words inside his head like a prayer.

That night, Aron cried backstage with Minki in between his arms once the stage was over. There was no lie strong enough that would ever fool his heart. As much as he tried. He wanted to rip his heart out of his chest; or maybe Minhyun had already done that when he left.

“These are… happy tears, right?” Dongho asked quietly in between soft heaves of breathless words. Minki looked defeated, deciding to nod and lie for him rather than let Aron break down with yet another lie stuck in between his lips.

 

—

 

Over the years, Aron had learned to hide his feelings very well. He'd been quite expressive and trusted the boys whenever he was feeling blue, but as the years kept moving and they were still stuck at the beginning, Aron learned to deal with his things alone.

Jonghyun usually blamed himself for everything. It had started off as soft encouraging words —to daily apologies for the members— which hurt Aron in an unfamiliar way. He wished none of them saw faults within themselves; he wished their music would get recognized. He wished many things, but they never felt realistic enough to even hope for.

Maybe they didn't deserve it; maybe they were bound to fail. _Maybe_ —

“Hey, do you wanna go out for a bit?”

It had been a cold night in late December. A long time ago, but Aron still recalled perfectly.

Aron looked up at the familiarity of that voice. He wasn't aware that Minhyun had been there all along, and he almost apologized for being so out of it.

“Sure. But now?”

“Why not?” Minhyun looked inviting; he looked so beautiful. Looked warm enough to hug and kiss. Aron had wanted to do that for so long now.

He laughed. “Alright. Should I call the others?”

Minhyun hesitated briefly, eyeing the corner of the hall just in case anyone was listening or watching. “I kinda just want it to be the two us. If that's fine with you.”

He raised his eyebrows suggestively; he shouldn't like teasing Minhyun this much. He shouldn't like Minhyun this much. “I see. Is there something you wanna tell me?”

Minhyun smiled, turning away from his gaze. “Maybe.” He clapped his hands together. “We'll see.”

They had not anticipated it would get so cold that night, but it was a wonderful excuse to walk huddled and pressed together. Aron thought he'd imagined Minhyun smiling behind his face-mask all the way through the empty streets, but he'd been proven right when he said to him: “You make me the happiest, hyung.”

His heart was in a constant battle with his brain, quickly trying to figure out what was going on. His heart went to the sentimental aspect, finding himself more drawn to the idea of holding Minhyun close. But his head was still messing with him, filling him with doubts.

Aron may have been a great liar, but he could never hide his true feelings for Hwang Minhyun. He'd always been so fond of him, and especially these days, when Minhyun seemed to take such good care of him.

The convenience store was empty that night. Aron looked around and sat down on the plastic chairs outside with a shiver going down his spine. Minhyun rubbed his hands together and took a deep breath, delicate words. “Is it too late to get drunk?”

Aron laughed softly. “It's never too late for that.”

Minhyun was really pleased with the response; so much that he rushed to get two bottles from the fridges near the back of the store.

They both shared a quiet glance, giggly and flustered by each other’s presence. “Let's make a wish.”

“So suddenly?” Aron mumbled with a snort.

“For our comeback.” Minhyun's eyes were glowing under the white lights of the store. They were shining with unshed tears, but they both pretended they weren't there at all. Aron held his breath. “I really hope it's a success.”

“We worked hard.” Aron whispered. “It's going to be a good one.”

“Aron,” Minhyun blinked and that's when it all fell apart. “Can I be honest with you?” His tears started to spill and Aron had no idea of what to do. “I'm scared. What if it's not good— what if we—”

“Can I tell you something?” Aron was holding Minhyun's hands in between his fingers. The gentle touch surprised Minhyun but he didn't move. “You're the most talented person I know.”

Aron added quickly as an afterthought. “And we're going to get through this.” His hands started to shake, “Because you're strong. And because we worked hard.”

Minhyun trembled with coldness and fear. Mostly fear, but Aron was there to make it alright. He made it alright even when Minhyun looked up at him and wiped his tears away with somewhat cold hands.

“I love you.” Minhyun whispered, mouth dry and cheeks red. “So much.”

Aron had the answer stuck in between his lips too, but Minhyun was already leaning in for a kiss. And Aron figured that kissing him was a better response than a three-worded confession.

 

_—_

 

Minhyun had debuted a few months back. They had a celebratory company dinner a couple of days later, and it was the first time the five of them were together in months.

It was almost funny how relaxed they had been after all. Aron figured that no matter how long you don't see a person for— if they're family— you'll always be happy and comfortable.

Aron had refrained from jumping Minhyun as soon as he set his eyes on him. They sat next to each other at the dinner table, but didn't have much time to be in a happy-bubble of them alone.

After dinner though, they'd seen each other at the company's restrooms and hugged like they'd been itching to for the last few months. In reality, Aron had kissed his cheeks and had allowed himself to spill a few tears when they were alone.

“I've been holding so many things to myself for a while.” Aron explained when Minhyun asked him what bothered him. “I don't want to burden the members but I don't want to burden you either.”

Minhyun had looked sad and tired that night. It was unfair that he was giving away his tears to him like that as if Minhyun hadn't many of his own stored deeply in his heart.

“You should tell them.” Minhyun frowned, sad and upset. “I know it was me you got used to sharing, but you can't do this to yourself.”

Aron shook his head. He didn't have an answer for him, and he regretted mentioning it to him anyways. “It's not that bad, really.”

“Don't give me that shit again, hyung.” Minhyun looked disappointed. “We've been through this enough.”

And he was very right about that, too. Aron simply held his head down low and didn't say anything else until Minhyun was getting ready to go back to his dorm.

“I'll call you.” Minhyun said to Aron when they hugged goodbye. “I love you, okay?”

Aron sighed into the hug. He missed this. He missed him so much it was starting to pierce him every time he heard his voice. “I love you.”

They hadn't known that the next time they'd see each other, it would have to be under awful circumstances.

Aron wasn't unaware of the hateful comments under their name. Especially under Minhyun’s when he first started his new journey. They brought consequences that Aron couldn't believe in the first place. And even though Aron wasn't one to care about negativity— when his whole life was surrounded with it —he could only accept and pretend that Hwang Minhyun didn't exist when they had cameras on them.

It was ridiculous. Madly insane. But mentioning Minhyun's name was something that brought immense bad light against them. Which was probably the fucking dumbest thing he'd ever heard, considering he'd not only been with them for years, but had joined a reality show to save their group, too.

They were careful and stepped on eggs every single time, but they did it to protect themselves. To protect Minhyun especially.

He wouldn't have managed through if it weren't for Minhyun's words every day. Messages that lit up his face when no one was in the room looking. He'd also started to trust the members with his worries, but not too important confessions yet. Still, at least he felt like he could breathe a little better now.

It was only a matter of time and waiting. They would get through this, and the wait would be over before they knew it.

 

—

 

Back when Aron still lived with his parents in a family-friendly neighborhood in Los Angeles, he'd always been called a dreamer.

He went through numerous phases as a teenager, and even though he wasn't proud about all of them, he was glad he'd started seeing the possibility of becoming a singer.

It was stupid; ridiculous even, but his ambition started to grow when he shared his thoughts to one of his closest friends. A neighbor of his, to be more precise.

He lived a few houses down the block and Aron had been friends with him for years now. They had progressed from playing at the swings on a nearby park to fooling around and making useless bets with actual pocket-money.

“So like,” Aron was chewing gum loudly. “I wouldn't lose anything. It's just an audition and if they say no, then that's it.”

“Did you tell your parents?” His friend asked, pointing a finger carelessly at him when Aron shook his head. “Do you even know Korean?”

Aron laughed at that. “I don't, actually. But it's whatever.” He was trying so hard to look like he didn't care. “Plus, I might not get in anyways.”

“Right. But what if you do?”

His friend smiled widely at the idea. Before Aron could answer, his friend was speaking again. “You should do it anyways. If you get in, I'll have a famous friend.”

“Shut up.” Aron pushed him with a laugh. “I'll have to get used to the superstar lifestyle.”

“Oh shit. We need to get you ready for that.”

He laughed, eyeing his friend warily. “Ready for what?”

“You wanna be an artist?” His fingers clicked, catching his attention. “Because you need to start acting like one. Get used to their vices.”

He hadn't understood what he meant back then. He only nodded and agreed to meeting up the following day when his friend said, “Tomorrow I'll teach you, okay?”

Tomorrow came and they walked to the alley behind one of the neighborhoods' supermarkets; Aron mentioning that he was scared for his audition, which happened to be very soon.

Once they reached the back of the alley, his friend finally unhooked the backpack from his shoulders. He seemed to notice then that he carried cans of alcohol inside the bag and Aron’s eyebrow twitched.

Aron had still been relatively young and naïve then. Technically he was just about to turn eighteen and just about to get college application results, but he somehow still felt tongue tied when his friend handed him a can of beer and took a cigarette box from his back pocket.

He wouldn't have dared to say no even if he wanted, and even though he knew it was wrong, he copied the older male. Holding the cigarette with unspoken finesse; he blinked, a little afraid. He didn't know about any well-respected artist that also qualified as a chain-smoking prodigy.

“You've done this before?” Aron felt off.

His friend nodded, showcasing a clear smile that Aron wished he could wipe off. “I've sneaked lots of cigarettes from my dad and grandpa overtime. It's fun once you get the gist of it.”

He attempted to smoke, burning the back of his throat and raging on a coughing fit. His friend patted his back quietly, shaking his head with a pleased grin. “Now that wasn't too bad, was it?”

Aron didn't have an answer, and luckily, his friend didn't press for any either. They stayed like that for a few more minutes; staring at the sunset and drawing circles on the pavement with the pads of their fingers.

“I've never heard you sing.”

“You'll hear one day.”

His friend looked at him warily. “Do you think you're gonna be famous if you get in?” He looked at him straight in the eyes. “Like, real famous?”

Aron shrugged. He didn't know, and he didn't want to sound too hopeful. Just in case it didn't go too well; he'd hate himself if he was too hopeful but too helpless in the end.

“I hope you're rich.” His friend briefly laughed to himself. “And I hope you get to marry a hot girl.”

With a red blush, Aron felt shameful at the comment. But he didn't dare to say a word back.

 

—

 

To say the least, Aron missed Minhyun the way he had missed Los Angeles the first time he set a foot on South Korea. The homesickness was inevitable when Aron had been barely a teenager when he moved out; but this type of homesickness somehow felt worse.

He’d gotten so used to Minhyun's presence and laugh filling awkward stances in interviews that he found himself falling deeper into desperation. He swore he imagined Minhyun's lips on his shoulder blade— right on top of his tattoo— one lonely night.

Aron was going mad and he couldn't even hide it from himself.

Minhyun wasn't around to rant about their messy bedrooms. He wasn't around to quietly sigh under his breath and cover Aron's body with blankets when he forgot to take care of himself.

The worst part wasn't just that, though. His lips craved the attention Minhyun used to give him whenever they shared a room; when they shared a bed. Whenever they shared their fears after the release of a new album and the only good thing coming as results were the warm hints of breath on his cheeks. Kissing him senseless until Aron forgot (just for a minute) how bad their situation was. Because it was truly fucking bad.

He missed not having Minhyun around as much as before. How could he have taken him for granted? He should've hugged him more. Kissed him more.

It was his fault. Everything was his fault, wasn't it? For not being honest with him before he lost his chance.

He clenched his fists, unable to think of other things other than Minhyun, who was probably exhausted right now. Full of schedules and full of interviews. Aron wondered if Minhyun had time to breathe; he probably didn't call because he was trying to find minute sleep in his corrupted schedules.

Maybe it was just Aron who constantly thought about Minhyun. Maybe Minhyun didn't spare himself a thought about Aron at all. And that realization hurt more than thinking of being apart.

He missed Minhyun the way he missed Los Angeles, and if he didn't hear his voice soon or didn't see his face, he was going to actually lose his mind.

And the voice inside his head told him that he was a step ahead of him already.

 

—

 

The rain was hitting the windows of his room with a pleasant melody that gave him chills. Aron looked at the glass for a minute, until he saw Jonghyun’s reflection, leaning against the door of his room a few minutes later.

_“Though we're apart right now, we're always together.”_

The room had been quiet for the past hour until the voice finally came. Heavily conflicted, Aron looked up at Jonghyun, choosing to remain quiet.

“Do you like it?” Jonghyun didn't look away from him. “I was writing some lyrics.”

He shifted in his bed. The words Jonghyun had said repeated inside his head and they made him feel vulnerable.

“I love it.” Aron said, and it was very sincere yet blunt of him. His eyes were starting to drop because he wouldn't be able to look at Jonghyun in the face when he said, “that's what I think about all the time. Always.”

Jonghyun didn't say anything back. Maybe Aron shouldn't have said anything at all.

But Jonghyun looked like he'd wanted to get some sense inside his head and shake him for being so damn sensitive. Instead, he smiled at him like he filled with pity and sympathy. “Do you want to go out for a bit? I need some inspiration for lyrics. And you look like you need a walk.”

“I think I'm just gonna sleep.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

Jonghyun nodded, and Aron appreciated that he hadn't pushed. He gave him a last look and left his room soon after. There was undoubtedly pain in his heart and gaze when their eyes met, but Aron couldn't bare to pretend for a whole afternoon.

All these suggestions to go out were always the excuse of actually saying “stop thinking about Minhyun and let's take a walk,” to him.

But it was stupid to think that such thing could help. He'd been lying to himself all this time; because walks in the park meant Minhyun, and having a drink under the shade of a tree also meant Minhyun.

Everything meant Minhyun because Minhyun had showed and taught him things no one had ever bothered to teach.

It had been Minhyun whom he'd trusted first. It had been Minhyun whom he'd learned from the most. The first time he cried because everything was hard for him; language, dancing, singing; self-discovery and self-hate —Minhyun had been there every single time.

Whether it was to put him a nice song to cheer him up (because they didn't always know how to communicate with words and Minhyun loved speaking with music) or cry with him, Aron had always seen Hwang Minhyun as the light of his life.

The beauty in Minhyun was so much more than external prettiness that made people turn to look. It lingered in his bones and reeked of sunflowers and champagne after a long night at the studio. His beating heart was a reminder that he was alive and precious.

Aron stared at the window, wondering what exactly he'd done wrong.

He thought about a reasonable amount of explanations and his heart swelled in his chest. He clutched the pillow under his head, ducking his head and hoping to find sleep that night.

Even though he fell asleep many hours later, he pretended to dream; it was clear considering he was very much awake, but Minhyun never looked so much like a fantasy. The illusion had never looked so false and distorted, but Aron refused to open his eyes.

They would meet again; and that was the only thought he ever allowed to give him insomnia for all the restless nights.

 

—

 

If Aron recalled correctly, he'd started to open up to Minhyun after he hurt himself one day during dance practice. He wouldn't have ever dared to complain or refuse practice when they'd been worried sick about their comeback, but the pain had been unbearable.

Minhyun stared back at him as he kicked his shoes off near the entrance. Aron didn't mind him, barely returning the wave when the younger stretched on the couch.

His eyes shifted from Aron's face to his legs. “So what did the doctor say?” Minhyun quickly browsed through the channels on the television, pretending not to be worried.

“He said I only a pulled muscle.” He shrugged it off, but Minhyun knew him better than what he took credit for. “Nothing to worry about.”

“I'd be worried. Our comeback stage is in less than a week.”

“I'll be fine, Min.”

Minhyun looked very uptight as soon as Aron said those four words. He blinked repeatedly and then frowned, looking outraged. Aron was ready to hear him ramble against him, but was surprised when Minhyun stayed quiet and attempted to look calm. He didn't look calm at all, if anything.

“What's wrong?”

“What do you mean _‘what's wrong’_?” Minhyun eyed Aron the whole way from the entrance door to the spot next to him, where he sat. “You're pretending to be alright as if you didn't know that it upsets me greatly.”

Aron wanted to defend himself, but he didn't know how to. “I'm not pretending. I'm really okay—”

“You keep saying that!” Minhyun stood up from his place in the sofa, shocking Aron entirely by the fervor of his words and actions. “When are you going to be honest about what bothers you and what doesn't?”

Aron was stupefied. “... What?”

“You keep saying everything is fine when it's not. You keep lying to us and you—”

“—I'm only trying to keep my shit to myself, Minhyun.” Aron was not about to get sermonized by him. “I don't want to burden you guys when we all have our own shit to deal with.”

Minhyun looked a second away from crying. He shook his head and wiped the long sleeves of his sweater on his pink cheeks. “Don't be so selfless. I love you, Aron. And I hate when you suffer by yourself.”

Aron didn't know what to say. He was rooted to the ground, unable to move or say anything back.

Minhyun looked hurt, more tears rolling down his cheeks. He looked at Aron and sucked in a shaky sob that pierced right through Aron's heart. “Promise that to me.” Minhyun walked closer, hands steady on Aron’s forearms. “Promise that you're going to tell me when you're feeling down. Promise that shit to me.”

Aron looked at him with misery tainting his chest and heart; he wished he didn't feel like a complete liar when he nodded and whispered over his heartbreak. “Promise, Min.”

 

—

 

“You're not reaching the notes correctly.” Minhyun shook his head. “Try opening your mouth a little more.”

“I've been trying to do that for the last twenty minutes, Min.”

“Try harder.”

Aron sighed, resting his chin on the softer side of his palm. “You do it.”

“I'm trying to teach you. Don't be a big baby.” Minhyun then laughed to himself. “You're not even big so— don't be a _baby_.”

“You're not teaching me correctly, then.” Aron ignored the light-hearted insult. “Because we've been trying for hours now.”

“What should we do then?” Minhyun sighed. “I'll have to tell Dongho to help you instead.”

Aron knew he was saying that to annoy him now, which seemed to work. But he decided to play along. “Tell him. He'll probably teach better than you.”

“You're heartless!” Minhyun scoffed, making Aron laugh warmly.

“I love you, Min.” Aron smiled, reaching out to pat the backside of his hand. “You're doing a good job, but I think the main problem here is that I can't reach those high notes.”

“We'll get you to reach them.”

“You're just being stubborn now.”

“Maybe,” Minhyun challenged, “but I know what I'm saying. Trust me.”

Aron sighed dramatically, sliding down the couch and sitting on the ground instead. “You're insufferable. Leave me and my baritone voice alone.”

“Open your mouth and let's try that high note again.” Minhyun said pointedly. “Come on, I don't have all day.”

And Aron figured that that's what made Hwang Minhyun so beautiful. Simply the way his eyes blinked with so much expectation and seeing only the positive side of things. Aron felt selfish for being so pessimistic and he held his breath, allowing Minhyun to teach him. To teach him about the good in everything.

Because Hwang Minhyun had the talent of seeing the bright side and sharing it with everyone around him.

 

—

 

It was nearing their second comeback, having done really well with the release of Where You At a few months back. They’d prepared diligently and stayed overnight in the studio to give their opinions on their new tracks; a few of them had very special and deep meaning to them, like usual.

Minhyun had been very busy lately, and catching up was hard when they all huddled together to speak over each other’s voices whenever Minhyun called.

But Aron had gotten a text from Minhyun earlier that day, and he looked forward to their call because he said he’d call late at night, which meant he wanted to talk solely to him.

_“Aron?”_ Minhyun's voice was clear, which was a pleasant surprise. Sometimes the call service muffled his voice and Aron had a hard time getting used to because it felt less real. Not that day, though. Aron almost turned his head because the voice felt too real. Oddly enough so. As if Minhyun was in the room with him.

“Hey.” Aron said, fingers twitching as he held the phone in place. “How are you, Min?”

_“Tired but there's been worse, I guess.”_ He sighed and then seemed to remember he wasn't in the same room as him when he asked, _“how are you, though?”_

Like shit, he wanted to say, but decided against it. “Just like you said. There's been worse.”

_“Wish I could be around.”_ Minhyun sounded conflicted. _“I'd hug you.”_

“Just that?”

_“We're not gonna have phone sex, Aron.”_

“ _What_ —!” He flushed red instantly. “You're so _annoying_ , Jesus.”

Minhyun laughed audibly, and if they weren't separated by a phone call, he knew he'd be eyeing Aron with an unfamiliar glint in his eyes. He heard him quietly sip onto something. He knew it was coffee without having to ask.

_“I went to Busan for a schedule,”_ Minhyun mentioned after a long silence. _“It reminded me of you.”_

“How come?” Aron asked, but he felt at ease knowing that there were things that reminded Minhyun of him at least.

_“What, you don't remember our trip to Busan?”_

Aron looked rather lively at the mention of it. “Of course I do.” He seemed to laugh at the memory. “It was a mess.”

_“Oh, come on, it wasn't that bad.”_ Minhyun came to say almost immediately. Minhyun paused but added quietly. _“You said you liked it.”_

“I loved it and you know it. Don't take me for granted.”

Minhyun smiled happily; Aron could hear it. _“Yeah. It was a good one.”_

“We should go again.” But as soon as he said it, he regretted bringing it up. “I mean, you're busy now anyways, so maybe not.”

_“Aron,”_ Minhyun started, and Aron knew the happy-lovey mood was lost. _“I'm here now, right? Can we not—”_

“Yeah, I'm sorry.” Aron sounded hurt. “Let's ignore what I said, alright?”

But Minhyun’s sigh before agreeing made it clear that he wasn't going to ignore it for the rest of the call.

Which didn't last much longer than that because he heard someone else through the speakers then. Aron couldn't really hear what the person said, but his heart dropped when Minhyun spoke to him again.

_“Hey, I have to go.”_ He sounded a little off, and if he wasn't in a rush Aron would've apologized to him again. _“But I'll call you again. Soon. I promise.”_

“Okay.” Aron said, but only because he didn't believe him, for some reason. “I'll be waiting.”

_“Okay.”_ Minhyun took a deep breath. _“Love you lots.”_

 

—

 

They had been given the weekend off, to which all the members seemed to look forward to. Aron didn't however— because he had no family to get back to, while the others were already planning a visit to their hometowns.

Aron had been twenty-one. It felt like an eternity ago, but whenever he thought about his life during that time, he vividly remembered conversations and confessions. Especially the ones filled with Minhyun in them.

The members had packed their bags and were gathered on the living room, smiling and still so young. Aron felt a sting of pain in his heart, because thinking of their struggles made it even harder to believe.

Minhyun looked at him briefly when he asked him what his plans were for the weekend. The younger had figured Aron would meet with his friends here in Seoul. Despite not knowing anyone or anything a few years back, he seemed to have a few close friends there now, unsurprisingly.

“Guess I'll just stay in the dorms.” He had said though, and Minhyun frowned.

But as soon as Aron sat down on the couch to probably stay on for the last few hours, Minhyun held him back up with a strong tug and crossed his arms. “None of that shit. I'm taking you to Busan.” Minhyun had said, and something in his head told him that he wasn't going to accept a no for an answer.

Aron sat on the train next to him a few hours later, laughing at some dumb story of Minhyun's childhood. The one story Aron had heard one million times already but still made him laugh every time.

“You're gonna love Busan, seriously.”

Aron looked at him with a grin. “I'll show you my hometown someday. If we ever travel to Los Angeles, that is.”

“That's thinking too far.” He shook his head with a love struck smile on his face. Maybe Aron should've figured out that Minhyun didn't look at him like he held the universe in his very hands just because they were close friends. He should've been less dense. “But that's okay. I'll show you the nicest places in Busan. And the sunset looks even nicer there.”

“You look nice.” And Aron widened his eyes as soon as he let the comment slip.

But Minhyun blinked and smiled, either unaware or being a fantastic actor. “You too, hyung.”

The rest of the trip, Minhyun smiled at the window and laughed like the most random thought had crossed his mind. “I read once in the internet that a road trip shows whether two people are compatible or not. Not that this is a road trip exactly, but it's close enough.”

“How's that possible?” Aron laughed, delighted.

“It will show how well things are handled. Whether we agree with each other or if we wanna rip each other's heads off.”

Aron nodded, pensative. “I guess that makes enough sense.”

“So what do you think so far?” Minhyun asked, eyes still stuck to the scenery behind the window.

He followed his gaze. “Well, I think it's beautiful, Min.”

Minhyun turned to look at him and he eyed him weirdly, like he'd said something ridiculous. “I mean our compatibility, not the scenery.”

“Oh.” Aron laughed softly. He thought for a moment and then shrugged. “Point still stands. I also think it's beautiful.”

“Right?” Minhyun looked undeniably happy at that moment. “I'm glad it's not only me.”

“Only you?”

“That noticed.” Minhyun smiled. “That we're a good match. Great even.”

“Maybe you're right.” Aron added.

Minhyun laughed softly, like he didn't expect Aron to hear him. He turned to look at him, cheeky smile. “I'm always right, Aron. Everyone _knows_ that.”

 

—

 

They were in Minhyun's childhood bedroom. Aron couldn't help but stare at every corner because it felt so intimate to be there and so incredibly Minhyun style, that he felt like an intruder.

“You were a cute baby.” Aron pointed out when he saw a picture frame on the small bookshelf in the corner.

“Everyone's cute when they're a baby.” Minhyun said, but there was a smile on his face anyways.

Aron rolled his eyes and sat next to him on his bed. “You take compliments so well, huh?”

“And why do you wanna compliment me so much today?” It's not bitter or malicious. More like doubtful and hopeful in the edges when he looked at him in the eyes. But Aron was probably the worst emotion-reader in the world.

“Oh, sorry. If it makes you uncomfortable, I'll stop.”

Minhyun remained quiet for a few seconds. He looked like he was about to lose his mind when he sighed loudly in disbelief. “Are you dumb or stupid?”

“What?”

“You're actually stupid.” He hit him on the chest with a worn-out pillow. “Do you realize that I like you, Aron?”

Aron blinked, out of his mind. “You– what?”

He hit him again, except it lacked force and Aron was left in despair for the few short seconds in which Minhyun refused to explain himself. Aron was right about to lose his heart from how quick it was drumming inside his chest and— “You're actually the worst.”

Aron didn't know why, but he smiled. “Wait, Minhyun,” He smiled like the World’s Biggest Idiot and held his forearms to stop Minhyun from any more useless pillow assault. “Are you for real?”

“Why the fuck would I joke about this?” Minhyun looked embarrassed. Humiliated would probably be a better term, but Aron found it even more endearing.

“Okay, well, I like you too.”

“I had a great impression you did, but why did it take you so long to say it?” He hid his face on his hands. “This is embarrassing.”

“It's more embarrassing that you somehow knew I liked you.” Aron defended scandalized. “I'm never speaking to you again.”

“I realized today.” He said, as if it made him feel any better. “At the train.”

“How?”

“I don't know ‘Mr. Compliments out of context’. You tell me.”

“They weren't out of context! My mouth slipped.”

Minhyun smiled with a glint of amusement. “It was nice. I didn't feel like a dumb-fuck for liking you, at least.”

“That's totally not insulting to me.”

Minhyun smiled, and Aron found himself mirroring the action unconsciously. Because Minhyun seemed to hold some power of love over him.

That was exactly when and how Minhyun took his heart with him; and truthfully, Aron doubted he'd ever get it back when Minhyun smiled at him like that.

But that was fine. Minhyun could keep it as long as he wanted.

 

—

 

Their trip to Busan had made things easier yet harder for them. They hadn't discussed what they were, and even though it felt like the right thing to do, Aron always found an excuse as to why it wasn't a good idea to talk about.

The members didn't know— or so they believed blindly. Aron had been proven wrong so many years later with Dongho’s voice and knowing gaze.

Aron still remembered the shaky voice on his neck, deadly quiet because everyone was asleep already. He felt the shivers on his spine all over again, but this time it was the wind blowing chills down his arms and back. Still, Aron pictured Minhyun holding him against his chest and breathing him like he mattered to him.

That night (which felt like a decade ago), Minhyun laid in his bed. He was shirtless and glowing like the stars on their trip to Busan.

“Do you think we should… give up?” Minhyun whispered one night. Aron stopped tracing hearts on Minhyun's chest for a second.

He hoped Minhyun hadn't meant it in the way he feared he did. “What— what do you mean?”

“Have you never thought about it? What they're gonna do with us?”

“Min, we're a few weeks away from our comeback.”

Minhyun didn't seem to be bothered by the words. “Yeah, but it's not going to work out.”

“What?”

“You know that.” Minhyun looked tired. Aron hated this conversation already and he wanted to tell Minhyun to stop talking before he said things he didn't mean. “You know it never pays off. No matter how hard we try— it _never_ works out.”

“Certainly not with that negativity.” Aron frowned. “Min, what's going on?”

“What do you mean ‘ _what's going on_ ’?” Minhyun backed off. As if Aron's fingers were burning his skin. “I'll _tell you_ what's going on.”

Aron stayed in place, breathless. He honestly didn't want to hear it—

“We haven't had a damn hit since our _debut_.” He frowned, raising his voice into dangerous territory. “And that shit hurts. It hurts so much that we keep _trying_ —”

Minhyun broke into tears.

“We're not giving up.” Aron stilled. “Minhyun. We're not giving up.”

“What are we doing wrong?” Minhyun sobbed into his hands. “We're always trying hard and we never—”

“Stop.” Aron said, pulling the younger closer to him. His heart was beating madly against his chest and he knew Minhyun could feel it. He held him close anyways, ignoring that he had started to cry silently into his head, too. “We're gonna make it this time. I'm so sure of that. You'll see. Prom—.”

Minhyun cried defeatedly. “ _Don't_ promise it.”

“Why– why not?”

He kept shaking. Words cut with hiccups and tears dropping to the mattress under them. “Because that's a promise you can't keep.”

Before Aron could refuse, Minhyun cried softly again, “And you know it. So please don't break a promise with me. That's the only thing I ask from you.”

 

—

 

Aron was constantly blown away whenever he heard that their songs were charting. The feeling was so unreal that he always felt stupid for even doubting it. Their fans were a blessing, an Aron could even cry to express his gratitude towards this sudden redemption.

They ate together mostly every night, sharing their thoughts and playing around like they did when they were younger and were just getting to know each other. Now it felt ridiculous because he knew each member the way he knew the alphabet, and he couldn’t help but laugh at their memories from years ago.

Dongho was already working on new tracks and something inside him was screaming in anticipation and fear, because they were nearing the last half of the year.

Minhyun was touring, sending pictures every once in a while, but sleeping whenever he had the time, Aron figured. He was exhausted from what he told them when he was online.

Aron felt a little less heavy than before, but he still felt homesick whenever he thought too hard about him.

But time was going past them way too quickly, and Aron knew he wasn’t taking advantage of what they had before them. So he locked his thoughts away and focused on the good things being sent their way instead.

He hadn’t realized Minhyun was hurting though. He’d only found out about it when Minhyun called him a few weeks later, somewhere around his tour, voice slurred and confessing so many things to him at once that Aron thought he’d lost his mind.

All this time spent waiting for Minhyun— he hadn’t realized Minhyun was waiting for them as well. The idea was foreign but it was obvious; it had been obvious from the moment Minhyun stepped out of their dorm with a sad smile and tears on the corners of his eyes.

It somehow encouraged him to work harder. To work harder until the day he came back for good.

 

—

 

Everyone else had been asleep when he got a call from Minhyun that night. It was oddly like a dejavú, and he couldn't help but bite his tongue and pinch his arm in anxiousness. Aron had been a little shocked but picked up just as quickly as last week when Minhyun called drunk at three in the morning.

“Min.” Aron sounded off when he held the phone against his cheek. Like the facade might just decide to break at the sound of his voice. “It's really late.” _Again_ , he wanted to add.

_“I know.”_

Aron didn't like that one bit. “Are you okay?”

_“Not really.”_

“Do you wanna talk it out?” Aron attempted, hating how his heart accelerated at the negative thoughts filling his mind.

_“Are you guys mad?”_ Minhyun's voice was clipped. Torn in the edges like their Christmas decorations from five years ago. They still used them yearly, though.

Aron frowned. “What? How could we?”

_“I don't know.”_ Minhyun sounded frantic. _“I just thought about it.”_

“We miss you.”

The line had become terribly quiet as the tension grew in his throat. Aron swore Minhyun's voice trembled when he whispered, _“Do you miss me?”_

Aron bit his lower lip, feeling like a joke. Like an absolute idiot. “I miss you more than anyone.”

Minhyun sighed. _“This is the first time I hear you say it.”_

“Don't lie. That's not true.”

The other grew impatient, speaking clearly and quickly over Aron's soft breathing. _“Do you know how much I miss you? I want this to be over, hyung. I'm so tired. My body hurts so much.”_

He hadn't expected those words at all. He couldn't imagine Minhyun silently suffering for days, weeks, months. How terrible had he been with him that he couldn't notice that Minhyun had probably been trying to open up only to be bombarded with Aron's own troubles?

Aron was speechless; the rupture of his heart was burning and aching like it had never done before.

“Minhyun…”

_“Is that wrong? Is it wrong to feel like this?”_

“No. It's not wrong. Not at all.” Aron took a deep breath, unable to come up with more convincing words. He was never good with immediate words.

_“I-I've worked hard. But there's a limit. I just wanna sleep. I wanna feel relaxed for once… and maybe even kiss you because why the fuck not?”_

“Minhyun, what?”

_“I have to go.”_ He sounded shaky, as if he'd been crying. Maybe he was crying right now. _“Don't hate me. I'm so sorry, hyung.”_

And just like that, the line was dead.

 

—

 

The following morning, Aron awoke to a few messages from hours before. They were apologies from Minhyun, blaming the words to have been “careless, because I was drunk, sorry,” and telling him that he’d been an idiot.

Aron wanted to call him and ask him what was wrong; they had never been able to hide things like these from each other for too long, and it worried him that the fact that they were apart was probably the reason for their distance and lack of trust lately.

But Minhyun said everything was fine, and Aron thought it had been a role reversal all of a sudden. Because it wasn't Aron pretending to be okay this time, and it wasn't Minhyun pushing for answers either.

The thoughts weren’t pushed away for the rest of the day either. He had a few schedules with the members, and they all required him to laugh along at something he wasn’t paying much attention to. Minki eyed him warily but didn’t say anything until they were on break.

“What’s wrong?”

Minki had attempted to be quiet, after all, but the others seemed to perk up at the question.

“Yeah. You're completely out of it.” Jonghyun didn't mean to sound harsh, but the guilt was present on his expression. It did come out a little cruel, so he was quick to add more. “Is everything okay?”

“I didn't sleep much, that's all.”

“You went to bed early, though.” And Aron sighed, because maybe he was more transparent than he figured. Jonghyun didn't stop looking at him, and he knew he couldn't escape this one.

“Minhyun called.”

That seemed to get Dongho and Minki intrigued as well. Minki frowned slightly at the news, excited but worried as soon as he met eyes with Aron. “He did?”

“Yeah. And I've been out of it. Because he's gotten inside my head again.”

The rest of the boys eyed each other. Jonghyun only got upset on very rare occasions; none of the occasions ever included the members, nevertheless. Maybe when they were younger and fought over minimal details like who got to shower first, but ever since they’d become adults, they had never picked up a fight on purpose. But Jonghyun looked upset; angry even. “You're being childish right now and you're also putting us down.”

“Jonghyun,” Minki said, looking disappointed, “don’t go there, really.”

He didn’t spare him a glance, though. Looking straight at Aron and taking a deep breath. His right hand twitched. “Do you think Minhyun ever slows down his group? Thinking about us?”

“Jonghyun.” Minki looked at him with frustration clear in his eyes.

The silence was uncomfortable, and Aron couldn't find an excuse or answer to Jonghyun’s answer. He was right, after all.

Aron stood up from his place in the small chairs, avoiding everyone’s gazes. “I’ll wash my face and clear my thoughts.”

Once he stepped out of the room, he felt the rush of blood on his heart. He felt idiotically played, because Jonghyun’s words had been right. Did Minhyun slow them down? Maybe his mind was busy enough all day; maybe—

_“Do you realize how hard it is to get him to be honest and open up to us ever since Minhyun left?”_

Fucking great. Aron stood in place, body immobile and refusing to leave his spot behind the door. He could hear their words and voices so clearly, speaking about him.

_“This is the first time he admits something about Minhyun that’s obviously hurting him. You can’t just tell him he’s being childish—”_

Aron walked away from the door, feeling a little lightheaded by the words still repeating inside his head. He was being immature, though. Minhyun was coming soon anyways, he wasn’t abandoning them. Minhyun would never do something like that to them.

“Hyung?” Aron’s skin broke into goosebumps as he heard the voice. He wanted to be alone right now, but he turned around to look at Jonghyun.  
“I’m sorry.” He said softly. The words were surprisingly not forced out of his throat; they didn't feel like Minki had obligated him to follow him here and apologize. “I was being an asshole and I realized I was being the worst leader for even saying that shit to you—”

“You were looking out for the rest of the group. You don’t have to say sorry. Honestly, you were right.”

“Right? No.” Jonghyun looked defeated. “I was wrong. I can’t assume you guys are fine with Minhyun not in the group and I was an idiot for not taking your feelings into account. I’m sorry. I feel like I failed you and Min.”

Aron smiled sadly at him. “We’re fine. Don’t worry about it. We’re so close to December, anyways.”

Jonghyun tried to smile and turned completely to hug Aron. It took a lot of empowering will from Aron to not spill the tears that constantly suffocated him late at night. He hugged him back and they whispered encouraging words to each other before walking back to the recording room a little after.

Dongho and Minki looked at them and seemed relieved once they were back to their regular, honest smiles. They offered each other another set of smiles and quiet laughs before their recording started. Aron had felt a little more at ease after their second break, returning to their easy fits of jokes and normal banter.

They returned home with warmer hearts, still on the process of thorough healing, but the heavy weight was no longer there, after all.

 

—

 

The last call had been on late November. Calls would no longer be necessary because Minhyun was coming back to their dorm soon. Aron felt disbelieving because one year and a half had felt eternal yet here they were, closer than ever.

Their last comeback stage was tomorrow, and something inside him was burning.

Minhyun had called because he was oddly enough, free from schedules that night. Aron picked up speedily, smiling at the fact that it was a video call rather than audio. They both laughed when they saw each other on the screen.

_“So, are you nervous for tomorrow?”_

“I’m shitting my pants.” Aron joked, feeling light for some reason. “But jokes aside, yeah. I am.”

_“I’ll see you guys, though. I can’t wait.”_

“I look forward to that, too.”

Minhyun lolled his head to the side, looking amused by the way his smile took over his face. _“I was thinking of something ridiculous the other day.”_

“Everything you think about is always ridiculous.”

_“Shut up, do you wanna hear what I’ve got to say or not?”_ Minhyun tried to sound offended, but Aron knew him better than that. _“Did you ever realize that December is like… our month?”_

“What does that even mean?”

_“Every year on December, think about it...”_ Aron thought Minhyun was out of his mind, but he smiled anyways, urging him to finish his thoughts. _“We were so happy. I loved you so much then.”_

“So you’re saying you don't love me anymore?” Aron gasped, dramatically.

_“It's not that.”_ Minhyun pondered, ready to protest. _“I think the feeling got replaced with missing you too much. Every day.”_

Aron couldn’t help but smile at that, feeling quite the same. “No more crying though. You get to be ours forever soon.”

_“I literally never stopped being yours.”_

“Fine, but legally.” Aron said, pointing a finger at him through the screen.

They fell onto a comfortable silence, which was familiar to them years ago. Aron almost said it outloud, but much rathered to let the moment happen.

He raised an eyebrow, though, new thoughts filling his mind. “Can I ask you something?”

_“You just did.”_

Aron shifted in his bed, ignoring Minhyun’s comment. “Do you remember when you said that you wanted to give up?”

Minhyun looked a little surprised; maybe he thought Aron had forgotten, but how could he? _“Of course I do.”_

“Do you regret it?”

Minhyun sighed quietly. _“Regret what exactly?”_

“Saying that to me.”

_“I don't regret saying it.”_ Minhyun was silent, thinking. _“I just wish we wouldn't have been in a situation in which I thought that was a solution.”_

“What about now?”

_“Now?”_ Minhyun laughed. _“Oh, I think we're gonna be okay now.”_

“Just okay?” He teased.

_“We're gonna be much more than okay.”_ Minhyun agreed, looking at him and smiling. _“Great even.”_

Aron looked ready to speak, but Minhyun cut him with a grin he hadn’t seen in a real long time. _“And you know what? It's a promise this time. A big fucking promise.”_

 

—

 

It was nearing December, all over again. They had gained enough recognition from the public to the point he still couldn't believe it when their names were written in headlines and articles. Their last comeback as a unit was close, and despite having worked restless night for it, he felt nervous. Minhyun once again was the first person to listen to the song, and this time he had been so joyful when he heard it, that Aron realized he was happy, too.

They weren’t rookies anymore. They stopped being rookies long ago, but he felt like a newborn when he stepped on the music show where their first last stage was going to be recorded in. When he walked, steady step and head held high, he felt like all the edges of his clothes carried every single trace of Minhyun.

Back in the waiting room they had been assigned, Minhyun surprised them like he did every time they had comebacks at the same time. Aron felt less shaky when he showed up, telling them he wished he was there with them.

“The song is cool.” Minhyun had said, laughing right after. “I’m kind of jealous you guys get to perform it without me.”

Minki rolled his eyes in a lighthearted way. “You’re gonna perform it with us soon.”

They all laughed, gathering in the center of the room to do one last group hug before heading out of the room. Aron looked at Minhyun, smiling and wondering to himself how come they’d made it to the end of November already.

Jonghyun started off with the usual sappy words that got him nothing but coos and playful kicks from the members, even though they all knew they loved it. They would never say it though, because they’d get even more coos and dumbassery for it.

“The year is nearly done, but we’re gonna end it like we started it.”

They all agreed with enthusiastic hums and loud voices. He was reminded of their first time on stage, feeling quite nostalgic. Aron was happy that Minhyun was there with them at that moment, considering he’d been absent for so long.

“Good luck.” Minhyun said before they exited the room, holding the sleeve of Aron’s shirt. He looked peaceful, and Aron hoped he could look at him for a little longer, but he was pulled away with the rest of his friends, flashing a smile that rivaled the sun.

Once they walked up to the stage, he gave a last thought to Minhyun, who probably sat alone in the waiting room, waiting for them.

That moment was exactly when he realized that he was willing to wait the repetition of ten more seasons. Just for him.

 

—

 

December was very cold, but Aron's heart didn't seem to mind when he felt so overwhelmed during that moment. He blinked and stared at his reflection in the mirror for another second, looking at his hair and subtle eye-makeup. Minki was next to him and he was declaring that he felt nervous for some reason, voice unclear and very quiet.

“Me too,” Aron admitted easily. “It's because it's our last concert.”

Minki seemed to agree with that, because he contemplated it for a minute and nodded thoughtfully. “I want to make sure they have a good time.”

“That's right.”

The last few minutes were even more messy, but they were the ones he used to calm himself down. Their staff hurried to draw them together and told them they had five minutes left before the start of the concert.

Jonghyun looked at them and smiled; almost like he had one thousand words to say to them but chose to smile instead. It was enough, Aron thought.

“I love you guys.” Jonghyun finally said, and the rest of them had beamed. They weren't sixteen and eighteen respectively. But Aron was reminded of their debut showcase and he smiled with sadness. “We're going to end this like Minhyun would want it to.”

Aron smiled to himself, willing not to cry for once.

“This is our last concert, but not forever. Not even close.” Jonghyun added, taking a deep breath. “All the regrets, mistakes, and bad thoughts— we're going to leave them behind and end this with only brightness and happiness. We deserve it.”

“I love you all.” Minki mumbled and they all started to groan in embarrassment and tease each other stupidly until they knew they had to be on stage soon.

“I love you guys. Really.” Aron said, before the moment was gone. They didn't annoy him like he'd expect it, and rather than feeling embarrassed, he felt a smile on his face when the others started wrapping their arms around each other.

They laughed and held back their tears, smiling to each other and tickling their necks.

It was time then, forcing their little moment to an end. But it was okay. They had enough emotional moments already; this was definitely not their last.

When the concert neared its end, Aron wished he would've taken every chance he got to engage with the crowd and thank them. There were never enough “thank you’s” leaving his mouth. He could never express it enough.

Aron stared at the crowd, eyes filling with tears and heart filling with an unknown feeling of being loved. His hands were trembling and for a moment he feared he'd drop the microphone; but he held tightly and didn't.

He looked around, feeling so very grateful with every sign that read his name. It was a feeling of longing that he had rather kept to himself for all this time. Longing the love and support that had been taken away from them so quickly.

Years of hard-work. They hadn't gone to waste. They were glowing freshly before his eyes despite being long and difficult. Every cheer and every chant was dribbling to his skin like honey and he swore he'd never felt so fulfilled and happy before.

Jonghyun held his hand firmly and warmly, smiling at him and Aron couldn't help but smile back.

“Thank you for staying by our side.” Minki had said, loud cheers and Aron felt like it was too good to be true. “Thank you for loving us.”

But Aron knew this wasn't a glitch in reality or another of his self-deprecating dreams in which his mind played foully against him.

This was very much real, and he clutched onto Jonghyun’s hand tighter, just in case he drifted away.

The stage was thundering under his feet, and he knew that he wasn't dreaming anymore. They'd made it. And even though his heart still missed a puzzle piece when the four of them bowed together (feeling incredibly incomplete), Aron knew that he could endure it a little longer.

The wait was over.

**Author's Note:**

> If you finished this work, I am completely thankful. 
> 
> I gave this story so much time; there were moments in which I couldn't even write a full sentence for a couple months, but nevertheless I continued with it because MinRon is just so special to me. I can't wait for the moments that will fill us once Minhyun is officially back with us.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed! I love and live for comments, so just a word below would make me incredibly happy!
> 
> Anyways, I have five new MinRon stories on the way, but God knows how long it'll be until they're done. Until then though, I'll be up with more stories soon. (I hope.)
> 
> That's all! Hope you have a wonderful day!


End file.
